... Paige and her Rambling

 For the most part I find that people either accept the T world and what we do, but once in a while I find someone saying how disgusting and terrible it all is to them. I guess for me the reason that I find a high acceptance level is due to living in a very liberal town. Back to disgusting I find that sometimes from guilt Ts do the same thing. I have to admit that my guilt in dressing is very low and always has been low. I have never done a purge due to guilt but have at times stopped dressing due to lack of desire to dress. The one thing that I have found very common to all T-girls is how friendly and caring they are for other people. The sensitivity level on the most part is way higher in T-girls than it is in regular guys. So how is it a group of people who mean no harm to anyone and actually really not wanting to offend people at all are to be labeled as disgusting? There is a bunch of football fans who go to the games dressed as women, people for the most part don't find this disgusting but actually consider them to be great fans. Well T-girls are also great fans and that is of the Generic Girls (GGs) and when we dress we are not out to offend them but trying to complement their life and life style. I for one think that women are better than men in many ways and want to try to blend and become the best of both.

 This is another comment on the sexual preference of T-girls and I find that many of us live totally heterosexual life styles and love to be only with women. I have since I started dressing taken a look a guys really hard to see if I find them attractive and have to say that guys do not float my boat or as my Sister-in-law says "Lift up my skirt". Yes I dress like a slut and really enjoy the feeling of short skirts, thigh highs, and other items of clothing that are associated with items that make me look like a slut. This however does not mean that I am a slut in that I remain and have no desire to be unfaithful in my marriage vows.

June 6th, 2002

 Yes here is a new rambling of Paige and I am really not sure about what I am going to say I just feel the need to say something about "My Little World". This is what I like to do and whatever comes out comes out from the heart. The reason for this need is that last night I went out to a site of a person who I feel I could really become friends with if we ever really meet real time. Her site moved me in a big way and I see the joys and pains a T-girl goes through in this life we lead. Hers is a different path than mine in that she is looking to go full time. Me I like being part time and do not see full time on my horizon at all. T-girls struggle with the body that they were born with, acceptance from family, friends, and well the world as a whole. T-girls are attacked physically for being who they are in life. No one I talk to seems to agree with hate crimes yet they exist. When someone is attacked that is in a group they don't agree with the feeling they have inside is "They were asking for it anyway". To me T-girls have one other fear and this one is genuine and that is will I look completely like a woman. Well they know inside the truth is "No Way" and that means that they are going to live the rest of their life wondering what is going on in that other person's head that is staring at me. Do they think I'm good looking or are they staring at me for a different reason. I have to say this and maybe it is harsh but it is the way I feel. Less than 1% of the T-girls out there truly look like a GG. I have known several that feel that they look completely like a GG and well sorry but they really don't pass on a good second look. Maybe just because I am in tune to these things I can figure it out but I feel most people can spot them in the world. Please don't show me a picture of a person and ask is this a T or a GG. That isn't fair because it isn't real life. People see my pics and some think or at least say to me that I must pass well. That could not be the farthest from the truth. My face alone doesn't pass and I have had real life encounters to prove that fact.

 Okay I need to go over one more item and then I am done. Passing and looking like the gender you want to portray are two different things to me. Looking like a the gender you are after means to me that you wear clothing and have features and manners that make me believe that you were born opposite of what you were really born. Passing is you can go out in the world dressed and not cause a problem with where ever you go. You have confidence and dress to the occasion so that what ever space you are in people may notice you for what you really are but you are accepted for who you are and what you do. They know you are not really who you are trying to look like but you show no fear and invade no spaces. The reason I didn't just do the Male to Female mode is because lately I have been exposed to so many Female to Males. M to F or F to M the issue of passing or looking like mean the same to me. My problem is that the F to Ms can pull it off ever so much better than the M to Fs. Sorry if this belief of mine steps on toes but it gets to me with a couple of friends who are transitioning who think that they are fooling people. To me the feeling is mixed in bursting their bubble so they face reality and leaving it all alone. I guess for me I have a hard time when people are not facing the truth and someday this truth will come out and if they are basing their life on this false belief will they be strong enough to handle this fake world they live.

 March 2, 2003

 I have the need to add to he passing issue after talking to a T-girl friend of mine and we discussed the issue of passing. To her the term passing was not meant to mean passing as a GG but passing through life with be accepted, okay so that means what does the term passing mean to you? Is passing a term that means you are being looked at as a GG? Is passing a term that means that they can go through life and not raise a commotion. I just hope that girls are not fooling themselves and that is my main concern. I have met a few girls that can actually pass. So the question I guess is "What is passing"?

 The life of a T for the most part is a very lonely one and it means that you are always wondering if things are being directed to you. I walked into a club that was very T friendly. The drummer was actually a T girl that played there. When I walked in two women were laughing and I am pretty sure that they were laughing before I even walked into the place but still I question what the laugher was all about. When I mentioned this to a friend she said that a group went to a movie and they didn't feel like the movie was all that funny so was some of the laughter directed at them? To live in a world where there is no hate and is acceptance is every persons goal. Thing is it is a long way off and an every day struggle for T-girls to get acceptance. If the Transvestites and Cross Dressers would come out of the closet and be heard this is something to me that would happen very quickly. Thing is that being one of those people it is hard to disrupt a life that not only earns our daily bread but also is a life that we get MOST of our happiness from day to day. I have not come out at work or even completely in my personal life for many reasons. When people find out I don't have a problem with that at all. My guilt as a matter of fact is not from dressing but what it does to those close to me and how they feel. In my mind there is nothing wrong with what I do but there is something wrong when I make others uncomfortable. Especially those that I love. Tell an elderly father that his son wears woman's clothing? WHY? As it would only hurt him and cause him pain. Tell a sister who analyses the crap out of everything and most of the time misses the main issue? Why deal with the aggravation? I have told people that need to know and others that it was time to tell them what I do part time. I will lie about this no more but I am also not ready to shout from the mountain tops either.

This was a ramble!!

Sept, 2, 2007

 Yes that is right over 4 years since a ramble actually I have recently decided to update the web site once again. Why I am doing this is for several reasons. It is not mainly for Paige inside of me but for me. My life is changing and I am expecting the change to be constant and pretty drastic in the months (probably years) to come. I have spent the past several years of my life doing things that made other people happy and yes that did give me a lot of happiness. The problem is I do not feel like my needs were being met, anytime I had a need it was either promised and not delivered or an attempt was made and not achieved, or whatever. Love has a lot of depth before the well runs dry and once it does the struggle to bring it back is very difficult. Meeting someone who does accept me for who I am has made a huge change in my life, not just acceptance but there is also a love for me. This is maybe the first time I have felt I am being true to myself and being accepted for who I am. There will probably be a lot more on this later but right now things are in a state of flux for me.

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